comment card poetry

going to school

2006-05-23T18:13:00.000-07:00

i start an intro to pychology class at owens community college in a week. i'm not nervous at all, but looking forward to my fall schedule at BGSU has me apprehensive. i need to become a better writer and i hate practicing :)

working

2006-04-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

I'm working a lot right now and I miss blogging, but I don't want to get on here everyday and complain about how much i really don't want to do anything. woe is me. but wait dear bloggers, i think i have a solution and you shall see it's fruits soon. mwahahahaha

hair grows

2006-04-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

I have recently been pulled back from the clutches of the underworld by a single star on a blog who has inspired me to write. sometimes the tortures of the devil are just too much to relive in words but here goes.... I am still in napoleon.... I still live with my dad and grandma... I still work at a resturant and bar.... and i still have no idea what i want to study in college or where i am going to go. I do have a better understanding of myself and my roots and a lot more money, but i think my brain and soul are slowly dying. The pressures of this town and my family (the mindset that things are concrete... can be right or wrong.) to figure all of this stuff about myself and my future out are overwhelming and impossible for my personality to do. I am spontanous and things always fall into my path, and now i'm swimming hard against the current.
definitely can't talk about
1. how i wonder if i'm gay
2. drugs
3. books
4. anything having to do with technology beyond a cell phone.
5. RELIGION especially christianity or catholicism, which is what they supposively are.
6. feelings, especially anger or dissatisfaction
7. myself
8. Anything considered "smart"

So, there is a new flaming lips album out "At war with the Mystics", i've listened to it 3 times now and it grows on me more and more. at first sound, it's more beat driven and eclectic sounding then yoshimi battles the pink robots and it's their first new album in 4 years and it's really really fun, so check it out.
I like to listen to the flaming lips song from the batman forever soundtrack called "bad days" when i'm driving in my shitty car.
You're sorta stuck where you are
But in your dreams you can buy expensive cars
Or live on Mars
And have it your way
And you hate your boss at your job
Well, in your dreams you can blow his head off
In your dreams
Show no mercy
And all your bad days will end
And all your bad days will end
You have to sleep late when you can
And all your bad days will end

Whelp i'm off to work again.
-heidi
p.s. if anyone reads this, thanks for still looking. i'm sorry i quit writing if it dissapointed whoever you are.

just thinking

2005-10-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

i'm here thinking about scotland, and wishing i would get those pictures developed. And about how i'm going to massachusetts this weekend to visit a college and what a mess that has been. family drama, but it doesn't matter because i took time off work and i have it all planned out and i'm going and it will be so beautiful. the drive, the leaves, the quaint towns and rolling hills of the east coast and the school of course! i am working my ass off here, getting totally immersed in my job and my friends and reading. i try to write, i really try hard, but i seem to only be able to plot. way too much caffine. i like to ride my bike to work, and all my customers and how old the family resturant/bar i work at, the downtown streets, and my bedroom. i have finally got a real life going for a while in one place. it's boring but i'm pretty settled in for what could be a long winter. oh yeah, but i got my temp's, i'll be learning to drive, so watch out, i have a record :)

sorry i left up that awful post, this one is better...

2005-09-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

hello again. greetings from napoleon Ohio, a not so great town in a very flat place.
This is my first night off from working nights at marco's pizza in forever, but i don't have anything to do except call people and read blogs. i work days at subway so i'm really tired all the time. i don't have the mind capacity to work on my story after a long day at only one job, so i'm just chilling, all alone at home of course. and drinking, because what else do you do when your all alone at home.
i have made one friend here in napoleon, but i don't actually like her much. she talks about all the f'ing sluts she wants to beat up all the time, and she lives with her boyfriend and talks about him constantly, and he's called squeak, because when he was a baby he squeaked instead of cried. me and my friend have nothing in common except we work at subway. i think i may visit her anyway, because she does talk a lot and she's at least a human bean.
i am working so hard so i can get myself a good education. i am so bored with traveling and working and i want to take out a bazillion loans and not have to work, but instead go to school and read books and listen to teachers and do homework. i want to go to school at Hampshire College, in Massachusetts, they don't have grades or majors. instead you get to take classes and develop your own independant studies. you have to do 3 semester projects and then one major project. They can be science projects, or writing books or making movies, or anything i want. it's so cool! but it costs A LOT.
so i'm working on one damn good short story to impress them so they will let me in for cheap. it's about a man named Frank, who lives by himself in a basement apartment that has leaked really bad for so long that there are mold/plants/vines, growing all over his walls and ceiling. but Frank doesn't care, he just sits there in his chair, assembling light-switch-cover-hardware into little baggies and listens to the water dripping from leaf.. to leaf.. to leaf and thinking bitter thoughts about lots of stuff, and a little bit bitterly about pentecostal christians. And then all of a sudden something happens and the leak gets fixed and all the plants die and start falling off the ceiling and hitting him on the head. and then frank notices, and he hears stuff and he starts to wonder whats in the apartment above him that made all this stuff die and totally messed everything up for him..... and then he gets redeemed because i like happy endings.
If anyone steals my story, i'll kill you, because i cannot work at subway much longer!

i lost myself again

2005-08-15T12:44:00.000-07:00

Another sad day, I can’t remember when they started really. I lost my voice while writing today. I can’t think or feel anymore. Micah moved to north carolina, i haven't seen him in 10 days. Our relationship has followed a familiar pattern, instant attraction and passionate love, two lives become one, and then time goes on and we hit a brick wall. There’s nothing ahead but marriage and commitment or the end. It’s the end of course and no fighting this time, just amiable friendly killing separation by many states. I wish i could at least write or get the job at the video store i applied too. I'm living in napoleon now with my dad. new town and i have nothing to do and no one to know. last night i went bicycling and dumpster diving. It felt so good to get out and I found a carton of orange juice and a whole bunch of tobacco. It sounds weird but it was so satisfying to be digging through trash again. I just returned from a week of vacationing with my family on an island off south carolina; eating expensive meals, golfing and laying on the beach all the time. to indulgent and removed for my taste. anyway enough rambling, i am tired in the soul but still here just so you know.

i'm back i'm back i'm back!

2005-08-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

i ave officially been back now for 3 days. i would like to say, "i would like to see everyone and i'm so pumped" but i am afraid i am trying so hard to remain invisable to people in this town that i have succeded, mwahahahah. well except for shannon and eric barton (but only for special circumstances) i am looking forward to many days of a single and solitary existance that revolves around cats and writing! i am a rock.

castles on hills

2005-07-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

sorry i haven't been in contact, i've been off in the wilderness for a week but now i'm back. micah and i and 5 other friends drove up north, going past the famous loch ness along the way. We stayed on the Isle of Skye a beautiful and magical place, and then one of our friends dropped us off in these mountains 15 miles or so down a dirt road to camp and then he headed off to a family gathering at the McCrae castle just up the road (shown in the picture). we camped there for 2 days and it was the most beautiful place i've ever seen. The landscapes here inspire tolkien fantasies. huge rocky green mountains that orks could come running down, a valley in between them all with a river flowing down the bottom, with still pools between whitewater rocks that water nymphs are sure to inhabit. we followed a trail along the sides of the mountains and got to this 200 foot waterfall coming off a cliff and into the valley. it was a mile back along a really steep sheep trail, one of the remotest and most spectacular things i've ever seen. to get back we had to climb to the top of the peaks where the water came from and walk over the tops of mountains till we got back to our campsite to feast as hobbits. truly unimaginable beauty.
the trip got interesting when our driver did not show up at the spot to pick us up on time. After waiting 4 hours we decided we had to get back to the main road so we decided to walk the 7 miles straight through the mountains with all our stuff as opposed to 15 miles by road. the first 2 miles were horiffic, uphill and then straight up climbing. when we got to the top we were cold and wet (it's always cold and wet) and being eaten alive by bugs. we got to the top and just saw another peak in front of us, so we trundled on hopeless. when we finally got to the top of that we saw a river stretching from where we were, all the way to the lake our friends castle was on. imagine a 5 mile river with a lake at the end and huge mountains rising up on each side of this narrow pass. still loaded with gear, we marched that pass single file. just as darkness was falling we arrived at the castle to see our friend was gone. now we were really screwed, it was raining and we were stuck with no driver, no place to sleep and we had just hiked 7 miles . we ended up sleeping in a old deserted stone cottage next to the castle. the following day micah and i hitchhiked into the nearest town, kyle of locash so we could buy harry potter as it was sunday and harry potter came out on saturday. unfortunately because of the remoteness, none of the stores in the north had got their books yet so we stayed there last night and bought the book this morning (monday). since this morning micah and I have been hitchhiking back south to edinburough and reading to each other. we are 150 pages in now and safely back in edinburough. the trip took 4 freaking different rides. usually we've got where we wanted in 1 or 2 , but todays journey took all day.
since i last wrote a few wonderful things have happened to me which i will relate in list form.
1. i turned 21 and got really drunk and danced embaressingly and it was really fun.
2. movies i've watched (mostly really bad but some good)- red planet, MASH, starship troopers, ninja scroll, Akira, what's eating gilbert grape
3. visited writers museum which featured the works of sir walter scott, robert louis stevenson, and robert burns. i forgot how good treasure island is.
4. visited national art galleries, i have now seen achilles mourning the death of patroclus in real life and a real rembrandt self portrait and a really good rare impresionist collection.
5. visited museum of childhood on my birthday and loved the model trains.
6. survived the radicals at the g-8 summit
7. i'm still in scotland for 9 more days!!!

heilan' coo

2005-06-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

Views of Edinburough from Arthurs Seat and Arthurs seat

Heilan' Coo means highland cow in scottish. scotland is really great now that i am here, well i've been here for a week or so. I hitchhiked for the first time ever with 2 other people. we caught a ride in less than an hour from this man who had just had it out with his wife and was now driving to Loch Ness to take a break. He was a large rugby playing looking guy driving a land rover and blaring "I believe i can fly" by Rkelly. it was a bizarre 4 hour ride but he was really nice and dropped us off about 4 blocks from where we were heading. Now that we were here we got really busy volunteering at a cafe and exploring Edinburough, the capital city of scotland. Joel and I climbed this huge hill in the center of the city called Aurthur's seat, which is supposively where the first settlers of scotland lived. From the top there is an impressive view of the city and the castle on a nearby hill and the North sea further on. Joel and I also walked 5 miles each way to go to the sea and we watched the tide go out and poked our fingers in jelly fish that got washed up on the beach and watched some live ones do there jelly fish swimming. We also played in the waves and wrote a story together about a day at the beach on the north sea.
another highlight of this week was seeing Batman Begins. The movie was so good, really, and it especially appealed to me because i've been missing american culture and the good vs. evil theme is so... well, american. I think Christian Bale is my favorite batman, but it could be that i'm just partial to him because he stars in Newsies. Yesterday i saw an amazing romantic comedy featuring a very young Johnny depp, it's called Bennie and Joon. Just see it, don't make me tell you why, i don't have time and it won't come out right. so i'm at a loss at what to do today. i keep trying to find the escense of scotland, but i can't meet any scottish people for some reason, there are so many internationals here. and the buildings and the city are all remenants of a time long ago and seem empty and dead to me now. i went to the scottish museum but i think it was to foriegn, i had no frame of reference and i couldn't figure out the significance of their displays. anyway, i'm am here, searching for something as usual. i hope you all are too. i wish you well and miss you my homeland.

song lyrics i'd like to pass on

2005-06-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

Neutral Milk Hotel - The King Of Carrot Flowers Pts 1,2,and 3 Lyrics

When you were young you were the king of carrot
flowers and how you built a tower tumbling thru the
trees in holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your
feet and your mom would stick a fork right into
daddys shoulder and your dad would throw the
garbage all across the floor as we would lay and
learn what each others bodies were for and this is
the room one afternoon I knew I could love you and
from above you how I sank into your soul into that
secret place where noone dares to go and your
mom would drink until she was no longer speaking
and dad would dream about the different ways to
die each one a little more than he could dare to try

I love you Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ I love you, yes I do
I love you Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ I love you, yes I do
and on the lazy days the dogs dissolve and drain
away the world it goes and all awaits the day we
are awaiting
Up and over we go through the wave and undertow
I will float until I learn how to swim inside my mother
in a garbage bin until I find myself again again up
and over we go mouths open wide and spitting still
and I will spit until I learn how to speak up thru the
doorway as the sideboards creek with them ever
proclaiming me me ohhhhhhhhhhhh up and over we
go the weight it sits on down and I don't know I will
shout until they know what I mean I mean the
marriage of a dead dog sing and a synthetic flying
machine machine ohhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhh
ohhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhh
(okay)

Cat Power Fool lyrics

Apartment in New York, London and Paris
Where will we rest, we're all living on top of it
It's all that we have the USA is our daily bread
And no one is willing to share it

Why can't we see our fortunancy
Living as legends have lived.
Bane and dismannered
We coax all the time
Knowing that nothing is left when we die

Come along Fool
A direct hit of the senses you are disconnected
It's not that it's bad, it's not that it's death
It's just on the tip of your tongue, and you're so silent

Wanting to live and laugh all the time
Sitting alone with you tea and your crime
Children with kids, and people with parents
Anywhich way there's no past and no presence
When the day comes and all of them bums
Will reveal enchanting persons

Come along Fool
A direct hit of the senses you are disconnected
It's not that it's bad, it's not that it's death
It's just on the tip of your tongue, and you're so silent

When it's a rut and baby's no luck
Half of it's misunderstanding love
The war we have won we're winning again
Within ourselves and within our friends
Come along...

6 hours ahead

2005-06-08T04:37:00.000-07:00

I feel more like 18 hours behind right now. I'm finally starting to completely freak out at how different everything is. I feel totally unable to communicate with people, and i can't even follow what's going on in a conversation. There's always a couple of words i don't understand, and references are completely lost on me. when i try to tell a joke or participate it leads to awkwardness and misunderstanding. And i just wish i could breathe again so i could leave, but i don't have any medicine and i'm not getting much healthier anymore. it's freaking cold here.

OK, end rant. The people i've been staying with have been awesome and totally took us in when we didn't have a place to stay because our other one fell through. Yesterday i thought i was healthier so we started squating an abandoned daycare center. It has really nice ammenities, but kind of weird with christmas decorations still up. We also decided to start exploring (Leeds, England) because we are in freaking England, and we haven't been able to deal with that yet. We walked to the university and looked at this old graveyard in the center of it and then went into the library to print things off for free. The town and university reminded me of Bowling Green for some reason. I'm pretty homesick. I miss my friends and being able to go to the corner grill and grounds for thought and things being affordable. I miss walking around downtown and visiting people. I'm still not really sure why i'm here except that i want to write and spend some time with micah before, you know, the end. I can't stop thinking about how badly i want to rent a big place and set up an art studio and have my cats and live by myself and how nice it will be. I'm going to get a job in scotland to make it all happen. thats the only thing i'm looking forward to.
oh yeah, other good thing about England, their alcohol has a higher percent alcohol. anywhere from 4%-7% for beers and 10+ for wine and champange, so something is affordable here. everything else literally costs double what it would in the states.

sickness

2005-06-05T04:29:00.000-07:00

i have bronchitis so i'm camping in my bed reading Hotel New Hampshire, John Irving's first novel and writing my own first novel. being sick hasn't felt this good in years. i can finally take a break and recover instead of going on like i'm not sick.

Extraordinarily misplaced jubilation

2005-05-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

Oh New York, i wish i was on a jet plane. i'm sick of your size and grandeur, i don't want it right now. I want to be able to be excited about flying, but i can't because i'm here in purgatory.

to fill you in

2005-05-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

the art show was this collectively done local art show that i helped put on. The local art show was my vision because as a local artist not in school, i had no way to display my creations and figured other people were in the same boat. our collective, "the big thaw" grew out of our 3 months of meetings to prepare for the art show. the night before our opening we had 30 people in and out of the gallery helping hang art, clean, and put up lights. the following day the show opened at 5pm with live music and food and then an awesome experimental and rock and roll show began at 9. over 300 people came through that night, then another 50 for a local film screening we had the next night, another 50 for an acoustic show a few days later and then 100+ people came just to see the artwork throughout the week. the fact that so many people came to a place that didn't serve alcohol to listen to music or see art was a huge accomplishment to us. after the art show our group reformed into an arts collective and a bike collective and we've been putting on shows, dreaming up interesting projects and building bikes.
other then the collective, my energy had mainly been going into working so i could pay rent and live by myself and to save up some cash so i can travel this summer, and of course my own art work. I've been writing, stories and poems and movies. a day that i can sit down and write something i'm proud of gives me a buzz like nothing else. i quit my job 2 weeks ago and I went to minneapolis to visit some friends. monday i'm heading to NY!!! i can't freaking wait. don't expect me to write to much this summer. i'm excited that as usual, i probably won't have time.

17 hours of working straight

2005-03-18T02:23:00.000-08:00

the art show is up and ready
featuring 40 differnt artists and over 100 pieces

sandpaper

2005-02-28T15:02:00.000-08:00

this past month i have felt like i have been wrapped completely in sandpaper and then thrown down a flight of stairs. there have been moments of relief but in general, grating removal of skin. i have been reading a decent novel- Man in the High Castle by Phillip K. Dick, something i read yesterday stuck with me. "they want to be the agents, not the victims, of history. They identify with God's power and believe they are godlike. That is their basic madness. They are overcome by some archetype;their egos have exanded psychotically so that they cannot tell where they begin and the godhead leaves off. it is not hubris, not pride; it is the inflation of the ego to its ultimate- confusion between him who worships and that which is worshiped. Man has not eaten God' God has eaten man.
What they do not comprehend is man's helplessness. i am weak, small, of no consequence to the universe. It does not notice me; I live on unseen. But why is that bad? Isn't it better that way? Who the gods notice they destroy. Be small... and you will escape the jealousy of the great."
This passage made me think of Bush, of the extreme right wing republicans, of the cutting of all social services. Of people voting for someone who seems so compassionless. I hate a system that enforces ideas and does hateful things that i don't believe. I am so sad and feel so helpless because i know that the poor are going to get a lot poorer now and the rich a lot richer. I've already seen it on the streets of New York, Washington D.C. and every other major city in this country. We will feel the consequences even in bowling green, the perfect small town in the middle of nowhere. money and jobs are getting tight and the homeless are here, unseen and shipped off to toledo when they are discovered, but they are here.
This passage made me think of my own world view and made me evaluate the statement "confusion between him who worships and that which is worshiped". i am self absorbed, and petty, and helpless and i doubt i'll forget that.
so moving on to more trival things- the community art show is going well and still scheduled to open March 18th. i need more submissions but i think everyone's waiting for the deadline...jerks. the thing i'm getting most excited about is our film submissions. we have 3 shorts promised so if we can get some more films we'll have a film screening sat. or sunday night. if anyone reads this that wants to enter anything email informcbs@yahoo.com
I've mainly been reading like made. this past month i finished my bronte sisters project i began in jan. i read wuthering hights by emily, jane eyre by charlotte and the tenet of wildfell hall by anne and poetry by all three. i think i like emily best.
this month i've also read death of a salesman by arthur miller which is really good. and i'm half way through the catcher in the rye and the previously mentioned phillip k. dick novel. the book i'm writing hasn't happened yet but i wrote some very dark and brooding poetry. i read it at the poetry group friday nights at 8 at the ucf and i scared everyone. so i'm going back to writing stories.

guess i feel like blogging

2005-01-26T15:57:00.000-08:00

I'm staying with some friends in New York City this week. It's terribly romantic hanging out in their apartment in brooklyn all day not really doing anything. I went to D.C. earlier this week to attend the inauguration with a bunch of people. Me and micah are traveling alone now; we went to amhearst Mass. to look at colleges for me and then New York to just relax. i realize i haven't blogged since early december, so i don't know where to begin now.
i guess what comes to mind first is my family. i came back to Ohio to live with my family again and spend some time with my younger sisters because my mom moved out a few months ago and my sisters live with my dad, who is never home. i feel really good about being there but i don't feel like i make a difference or that i'm doing all that i could for them. since i've moved back to ohio i've steadily began to feel worse and worse because nothing in my life is as good as i want it to be. my friendships, my romantic relationships, my artistic endeavors and me getting a job have all either not been happening or not very well. it's so frustrating because i feel like i have no time to do anything but i can't realistically figure out where all my time goes since i technically do nothing.
one big event of the past few weeks: i visited the navejo reservation in arizona for 5 days and talked to some healers of the navejo(Dine) people to learn about the Dine customs and healing practices, theories and ceremonies. i learned some amazing stuff and had a really peaceful time being in the mountains and among the people. I came back hoping to help my family but i don't know what to do. i believe that i am there and i gained this knowledge for a reason and a time will come when they will want to hear what i want to say but i feel like a piece of crap for not being able to share my perceptions and ideas about the problems we are facing. i'm such a wimp
a lot more great things are going on- although things aren't where i envision them to be, theres a lot of potential and i'm super inspired right now so watch out B.G.
Things in the making include:

Art SALE at the United Christian Fellowship (UCF)- theres a meeting monday Jan. 31 9pm at the UCF (on thurstin and ridge) to begin planning an art sale, workshops and concerts, all to benefit the UCF and local artists

Bike Collective getting started- we'll have a set phone number and location soon but for now there's a lot of people getting bike parts together and building bikes to sell and donate to people. If your interested in helping or learning about bikes contact me and i'll pass it along

other projects being talked about- starting a zine, the infoshop at the UCF, dancing a lot

in my personal work i'm trying to start writing regualarly. this has began with my changing my entire schedule to be more productive. i now get up early and try to do things during the day instead of late at night. so far i haven't had to much time to try out my new routine because of my recent travels but i have a lot of desire to figure something out so i will write more. i guess i'm done for now

i read about Gem, i'm sorry for your loss joel

at last

2004-12-08T22:46:00.000-08:00

i am home again and boy am i tired. I rode on a train all day on tuesday except for a brief layover in chicago. the train was wonderful, full of interesting people to watch and smooth as butter. today has been spent visiting my mom at her new home and catching up with my sisters. this evening i made it into BG. i looked in at the clazel and then walked to grounds. i happened to run into eric barton and joel midden, two people i wanted to see. i chatted with them and then moved on to see my precious shannon. it was wonderful. we talked for 3 hours and then my dad picked me up and brought me home. we watched spartan, a really great thriller. written and directed by david mamet, the plot is full of twists and kept me and my dad jumpy. i'm off to call my sweetheart now. goodnight.

homecoming

2004-11-29T13:22:00.000-08:00

i am at a computer buying my train ticket home. i'll be leaving dec. 7th to return to ohio. oh what a joy that will be. no sarcasm, really. i can't wait to get back and see my friends and family. and it's almost christmas!!! yesterday we had our first snow here in the north. it was a good 3 inches and it's sticking. anyway i'm in a rush. but we'll talk later. we always do.

the book is underway

2004-11-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

sorry i haven't wrote in forever. i've been working a lot and writing some. my novel has begun and thats all i'm going to say, i hope it is done by christmas so i can have easy presents for people. i would love to be like, "merry christmas, i'm giving you an autographed copy of my new novel because i'm a sweet writer and i write books, mwahahahaha." or something like that.

tuesday blahs

2004-10-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

hello again to all my friends, the learning never ends, here's what i did this week...
well the job is as excellent as i expected. on my first day my manager gave me the what working here is about speech. he said, "here at home video there is never anything to do, so if you feel like your not doing anything or you should be working harder, DON'T, because there is never anything to do. it's slow and boring and i get to spend a lot of time reading and watching movies. the pg only thing kind of sucks. i've watched cinderella story with hillary duff (which wasn't that bad) and sponge bob, simpsons, mr. bean, and lots of disney movies or concerts (led zepplin or the beatles) awesome!!
this weekend i got really excited about christmas being exactly 2 months away so i became quite crafty. i sewed and crocheted and watched lots of movies at home. Boogie nights, Le Divorce, Aqua Teen hunger force season 2, Raising Victor Vargus and Luster. most of them were either really stupid or really disturbing and bad. the only one i'd reccomend is Raising Victor Vargus. It's about this teenager, victor, who lives in harlem with his grandmother and 2 sibblings in a 1 bedroom apartment. The movie chronicles victors struggles at home and his trying to win the hand of judy, the prettiest girl on the block. it's a coming of age story for most of the characters and it's beautifully done. great acting, great filming and good music. it's a feel good movie and it's great.
my big screw up of the week!!! are you ready... I went to the bank and opened a checking account and accidently gave them the wrong address. i got confused and gave them the address of this Vet clinic down the street so all my bank stuff has been getting sent to them. i had to go explain it to the bank and spend 30 mins. ackwardly sitting with this banker while he waited on hold to find out my information and try to make small talk. I also have to go to the vets office everyday to see if i've got mail. fun stuff. anyway, i have to go because i just realized what time it is. bye for now

national novel writing month

2004-10-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

november is the national novel writing month. some geek with a blog has made a blog site that you can register your novel blog with and track your progress with other novelists. i'm thinking about doing it. sounds like good motivation to write. theres a link on the left to check out this guys blog.
on my last post i mentioned an autobiographical story i was working on. i called my mom today to check out some details and she can't remember any of it ever happening. i have a feeling most of my childhood memories are dreams that were so vivid that i thought they really happened. either way, true or not i guess it's a good story.
so tonight i start my new job. i am still really excited although i have to miss an anti-coke-a-cola meeting. coke is the drink of the death squads so the song goes.
Coca-Cola came to Colombia
Seeking lower wages
They got just what they came for
But as we turn the pages
We find the workers didn't like the sound
Of their children's hungry criesS
o they said we'll join the union
And they began to organize
So Coke called up a terrorist group
Called the AUC
They said "we've got some problems
At the factory"So these thugs went to the plant
Killed two union men
Told the rest, "you leave the union
Or we'll be back again"
Now Coke did not complain
About this dirty deed
Why give workers higher wages
When Coke is all they really need
They phoned the AUC
Said "thanks, without you we'd go broke
And to show our appreciation
Here's one hundred cases of Coke"

(Chorus)The baby drinks it in his bottle
When the water ain't no good
The dog drinks it
But he don't know if he should
Some folks sayIt's the nectar of the Gods
But Coke is the drink of the Death Squads

Well the workers wouldn't take
This situation lying down
Some went up to Georgia
Said "look what's happened to our town
You American workers got downsized
And as for us we just get shot
And those of us who survive
Our teeth begin to rot"
(Chorus)
Well now that's the situation
What are you gonna do'
Cause death squads run Colombia
And they're paid by me and you
We can let Coke run the world
And see what future that will bring
Or we can drink juice and smash the state
Now that's the real thing(Chorus)

it's a really catchy tune too. anyway, last night i viewed Waiting for Guffman, the only christopher guest movie i hadn't seen. it was good, very funny in parts. but i wasn't in the mood for the dry humor and super weird characters. i ended up falling asleep for a good part of the middle but caught the really awesome final show and the disappointing not guffman at the end. i give it a thumbs up still but i don't feel like i missed much by sleeping through half the movie.
the past few days have been really up and down as usual. sunday was awesome because i found this really great church. the St. Paul reformation church. 40 years ago an african american congregation combined with a lutheran congregation to create this really soulful and radical membership with a really traditional and ritualistic service. i really enjoyed it and felt like i fit in well, although i needed help trying to figure out where they were finding the hymns and such. the ritual of going to church is really nice for me right now. it reminds me of home and provides me with a place where i can anonymously go and express my spirituality. this church is also in a little poorer part of town and it seems to be very heavily involved in the community. The womens reading group is intriguing as well, they are studying the dao, a buddist text i never heard of any christians reading, but one of my favorite books.
the down parts of my week have mainly been my interactions with my family. i am homesick and talking to them and finding out how hard this divorce is on the everybody is difficult. i want to be there and to help them so much. but i have tried that and i know that i alone can't do anything. there is absolutely nothing that i can change and i can only pray for them, and it's important for me to live my own life and not always be trying to rescue my family. it's just a rough situation but i'll be home in 2 months.
i have to get going now. modest mouse lyrics of course.
Ice age heat wave can't complain If the worlds that large why should I arraign Walked away to another plane Gonna find another place maybe one I can stand I move on to another day To a whole new town with a whole new way Went to the porch to have a thought Got to the door and then I couldn't stop You don't know where and you don't know when But you've still got your worries and you've got your friends Walking on to another day Work a little harder work another way Well uh uh baby i ain't got no plan But i'll float on maybe would you understand Gonna float on maybe would you understand Well I'll float on maybe will you understand The days get shorter and the nights get cold I like the autumn but this place is getting old I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most The days get longer and the nights smell green I guess it's not surprising but its spring and I should leave I like songs about drifters, books about the same They both seem to make me feel a little less insane Walked on off to another spot I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want Did I want to love did I need to know why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow Moms get themselves together 'gainst the lights Adding the breeze to the summer nights Outside water like air was grey I didn't know what I had that day Walk a little farther to another plane You say that you did but you didn't understand I know that starting over's not what life's about But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth My thoughts were so loud

i've got a job

2004-10-19T13:47:00.000-07:00

yes, that is correct, i have a job, and it's the best job in the whole world. i know you'll agree because i now work at home video! that's right, free movies for me!!! and i didn't even have to get interviewed and the best friend that i have here, bee, also works there. she works at the coffee counter. they have a coffee shop inside a video store. i start tommorow and boy am i pumped. i also started an autobiographical story about christmas when i was 7. i like it so far, and it seems like a good starting point to write something autobiographical. i can't wait to start working which is weird since i think the whole system of having to be a wage slave and not make a living wage is messed up. but anyway, i'm employed and i'm really really excited.
i am going to go dumpstering now. last night i was at whole foods and my bike got a flat. so i had to walk my bike 2 miles home and so i didn't really get all the things there were to be had.

potato salad. mm mm good

2004-10-14T18:41:00.000-07:00

today was a cold day as it is prone to be in minnesota. since we lost our house keys 2 days ago we can't both leave so i made 10 pounds of potato salad while micah attended his only class today. we met back on the couch at noon and spent 6 hours viewing the remaining gilmore girls and eating all of the potato salad. i haven't had a day this great in a while! now i feel full and extremely lazy. i am still yet to turn in a job application. i have only completed one story since i got here, but i feel fine.
yesterday we had a potluck and it was fun. it was nice to recieve some validation because i've been feeling really crappy about myself. I've been having the i don't know who i am combined with the oh-my-god i'm 20 i should have this figured out a little more crisis. ehh but screw it, i finished the gilmore girls 1st season and i am content. oh yeah and i went running! i ran a whole mile, go me. well i don't really have anything more to add. i'll get a life soon, i promise :)

catholics are weird!

2004-10-10T13:16:00.000-07:00

last night i took a nap for 3 hours. i had a really weird dream in which i killed people and drove my get away car up a block and then inside a resturant to hide it. i entered the resturant in my car and got out and it promptly disapeared behind me. this was great, no one would suspect me now. so then i had lunch with john goodman and we smoked cigars and laughed maniacally together. i awoke feeling kind of weird around 9, so i got up, got dressed and walked around the neighborhood to find a church. i attended st. marks catholic church and boy was it weird. everybody said chants and reponded in unison to the pastor. there were lots of old people and families with small children. luckily they only approached me once to tell me it was time to take communion. i respectfully declined as i could appreciate their rituals but didn't feel obligated to take part.
after church i returned home and wrote letters. i woke micah up a few hours later simply because i was bored so we went and rented more gilmore girls! the gilmore girls is a wonderful beautiful addictive like the heroin i shoot in my arm ( just kidding) show that the WB puts out. i know it sounds silly, and it is silly and cheesy and sweet, but i just can't stop myself. season 1 is out on dvd and i've got through disc 1 and 2!!!! i recommend you watch it if, but be prepared to not be able to stop until they are all gone. anyway, i've got to go get a job now. seriously this time.

stretching

2004-10-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

today you will read the rantings of a bipolar mind. intense everything. i blame it on the movie- enternal sunshine. i bought it yesterday and watched it with micah immediately. it's just as good as i remembered from my 4 threater viewings of it. but it makes me so sad. i try not to be nostalgic but it's hard. the way things are now is as good as it could be, but i'm still not satisfied. i know this is normal but it's a hard way to feel. nothing is wrong but nothing is right.
the past two days i've been depressed. i figure i need the sleep anyway so i've been going with it. i haven't done anything productive except steal some wood from a construction site and build an art table. i'm having a bit of an identity crisis. i need to figure out who i want to be. what i actually am. i want to be a writer, so i write like mad and then get depressed because everything i create is shit in my eyes. i had a good idea the other day but i hate it now. i can't finish it, and i can't like anything enough to finish it.
even the progress on my house has come to a halt. it just gets messy again so why bother. grrr
the most maddening thing about being in this funk is there is no way to rationaly pull myself out of it. i am at the mercy of my emotions which change and flow in an unseen pattern. i don't know i don't know

speaking of i don't know- mike, i have never read Kierkegaard but have heard of him from micah's parents who are both lutheran ministers and big fans. i like his passion and his assertion that God is offensive to the rational and should and cannot be understood, and to try to understand him is to limit God. He also encourages christians to individually develop their beliefs and that true faith requires evaluation and recommitment as the believer grows. I also admire the way he publishes his writings using psuedonames. he publishes an article and then writes a counterargument and publishes it under a different name to enncourage the reader to fully evaluate the issue and make their own conclusions. anyway, i think he's cool and thanks for the comment mike, i'm glad you read me, as i enjoy reading about you.

i feel better now from blogging and gettting some frustrations out. i'm going to go ride my bike home and get started on the huge and growing list of tasks i want to get done.

2 days in a row

2004-10-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

today i am at the library again, writing some letters, just chilling somewhere other then my apartment. yesterday i spent the majority of the day cleaning and unpacking. it was a long rough day. my friend mia had orginally just planned to ride with me to minnesota and i assumed she had a place to stay. after 5 days at my place, i was beginning to worry. being extremely introverted, it was very stressful to have someone with me all the time, wanting to talk and hang out. i feel crappy about it but i have to admit that i just don't have enough energy or desire to be constantly interacting with others. i want to become less selfish and give more of myself to others by being there. but anyway, the past few days have steadily been getting worse and worse. yesterday me and micah finally asked her what her plans were about finding a place to live. she said she was going to go back to ohio and called on trains. because it was cheapest, she got on a train early this morning. i hope it was because it was cheapest. i am quite relieved she's gone, maybe thats why i feel guilty. i don't know. but i am looking forward to recoiling into my bubble and creating. i have been unpacking, cleaning, and decorating in the apartment the past few days. i want to get that done today because we are having a potluck thursday night! once all that is done, i am going to write until my eyes won't stay open and my fingers are bleeding and my ass has sores from not moving off my chair, and then i will write somemore :) because this is a transition period it's also a good time to get in shape and change some personal habits so that i must do. i also must get a job soon. poo

i think i should write now

2004-10-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

I'm up north now, living in minnesota for a few months. after my trip to new york i came back to ohio for a month to recuperate and i worked at taco hell for 3 weeks so i could make some cash to travel again. DON'T EVER EAT AT TACO BELL!!! it's bad for you, it's over priced, it's gross. there can be more to eating then going to a shitty fast food joint and paying some people money to give you food thats not worth as much as you pay and is bad for you. you can make healthy food with friends and socialize, you can cook people, it's not hard!!! fast food is eating slop like a pig. don't do it, your not pigs. Plus taco bell is a horrible company that takes advantage of poor farmers and kids like me by underpaying them so they can make more and more money. they are a greedy and disgusting corporation. end rant. when i wasn't working from freaking 8pm to 8am every night i tried to sleep a little and hang out with some friends and family.
being at home was really weird. the divorce is final now, the house is for sale and i feel very depressed about it. there are bare spots where furniture used to be in some rooms. i feel like my childhood was not really real all of a sudden because i am loosing all signs in this current time that it used to be there. it's just all in my head, lost in my memories and it slips farther away every year. I was a little depressed to see my friends as well. everyone was pretty much the same. i got sick of the apathy, the lack of excitement and direction, the black holes of void.
but now i'm not there, i'm in minneapolis! i am newly arrived and haven't really seen much yet. i'm still moving into my apartment which will take a while. my cat olivia, my friend mia and my partner and I are all crammed into a one bedroom apartment. it's quite cozy and wonderful. me and mia went dumpstering at pier 1 last night and got some bougie stuff for our place. me and mia have also been painting and cooking while micah goes to school. i've also been writting stories like mad, that makes me feel really really good. i've completed one and worked out another in my head. there is so much to do right now tho, so much new stuff to see and i get tired. such as now. goodbye for now

finishing up

2004-09-13T23:32:00.000-07:00

so i'm back home finally. it's been 6 weeks since i left, and not much has changed. i want to fill everyone in on the rest of my trip here tho.
so last time i blogged i was in wilimantic CT. after writing that blog, me and mouse hit the road on our bikes. we biked hard all day and managed to ride 66 miles to end up in New Haven CT, the home of Yale University. upon arrival we promptly went to a dunkin donuts dumpster and scored. after gorging on muffins and donut holes we ran about in a sugary frenzy looking for a place to stay. upon finding none and feeling quite ill, we decided it would be wise to find out when the last train to new york left that night. we went to the station and asked the ticket man our question. he looked at us and then asked us if we were in town for the Bob Dylan so we answered that of course we were. then we asked him how to get there. a few miles of biking to the yale bowl and one hopped fence later i was 30 feet away from willie nelson who was opening for Dylan. A little while later the man himself came on. dressed in black, wearing a cowboy hat, he stood behind a keyboard and sang. it was a really great show, even tho Bob's voice is a barely recognizable shadow of what he used to be, the songs were still the same and it was beautiful. his encore hit me hard- like a rolling stone.
Once upon a time, you dressed so fine,
Threw the bums a dime, in your prime, didn't you?
People call, say "Beware, doll, you're bound to fall."
You thought they were all kiddin' you.
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out,
But now you don't talk so loud,
Now you don't seem so proud,
About havin' to be scroungin' your next meal.

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be on your own.
With no direction home.
A complete unknown.
Like a rollin' stone.

You've gone to the finest schools, alright, Miss Lovely,
But you know you only used to get juiced in it.
You never had to live out on the street,
But now you're gonna have to get used to it.
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulders a Siamese cat.
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.
How does it feel?

How does it feel?
To be on your own.
With no direction home.
A complete unknown.
Like a rollin' stone.

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're all drinkin', thinkin' that they've got it made.
Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts, You'd better lift your diamond ring,
you'd better pawn it babe.
You used to be so amused At Napolean in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now he calls you you can't refuse
When you got nothin' you got nothin' to lose
You're invisible now, you've got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be on your own.
With no direction home.
A complete unknown.
Like a rollin' stone.

Although I am proud of my adventures and resourcefulness, I am just scrounging by, looking for my next meal in a garbage bag. I’ve got nothing, no back up plans, no earthly securities. A lot of people looked at me in disgust and that is very humbling. It’s also incredibly frightening to realize that I don’t really matter, to realize how small my voice is.
Anyway i moved on from new haven that night, i caught a train into new york. from the train at 1am i called a friend of mine to secure a place to stay for that night. with that settled i rode through the dark night, with city lights beginning to flash past and get brighter and brighter. i arrived at Grand Central station around 2am on a saturday night. leaving the station to try to go to my friends was completely overwhelming. i stepped into a very alive and busy city, a different world where nothing is hidden, life is everywhere, right on the streets. we biked through manhatten, right through the middle of times square which was as bright as daylight in the middle of the night. Through crowds of people walking around, through traffic- cars and cabs speeding around us. I was completely overwhelmed by it all. i finally broke down and cried when 3 rats ran out in front of my bike and I almost fell amongst them. I hated new york and wanted to go home. Those first few days were bad. I stayed at my friend ellie’s house and tried to avoid going out at all costs. The city was too much for me and it scared me. Finally ellie got me to go to central park with her to watch her neighbor who was haiten, play in the park. So we took the subway, which was kind of fun and walked around central park. The park is huge and beautiful, naturally and because of all of the interesting people and sights to be seen. We met up with ellie’s neighbor who plays with this huge group of haiten’s. they all gather together every Sunday and play drums and horns and sing. People come and bring food and strong drink and everybody dances and plays for hours and hours. It was really fun and ellie’s neighbor turned out to be a film writer so I really enjoyed talking to him. Later that evening he offered to let me stay in his apartment for 2 weeks while he was in LA on business. So I got totally hooked up with this awesome apartment next to my friend in Brooklyn. His place was totally weird tho, it was very spartan and he had movie plots and pictures of actors on posters all over his walls. His films are feature films and totally cheesy. His current work was called lady liberty, an action comedy about what would happen if the statue of liberty came to life.
Having a place to stay settled and having become a little bit more acquainted with how to get around new york, I began to venture out. During the day to parks, coffee shops, book stores, bike shops, and the touristy sites of new york. There was also a really really free market where people come and set up tables offering things for free and trading skills. People bring food and clothes, books and other stuff to be taken. Other people fix bikes, cut hair for people, play music, draw portraits and lots of other things. It was great reuniting with friends from boston, and meeting lots and lots of new people. At night there were free shows, parties, independent movies being shown or bike rides. I spent a lot of time at this cool bike collective learning how to build bikes so we could give them to people coming to town for the convention. I also spent a lot of time dumpstering food to be cooked and served in the parks to homeless people. In new york the buildings are so close together that there are no dumpsters. Instead everything is put in trash bags on the curb. The eating there was amazing. Bakeries to find bread and bagels at, fruit and veg shops everywhere. Whole pizza’s in boxes and all the pasteries I could stand. Fabric and art supplies were easy to find. My days and nights were filled, working and hanging out with people. My partner was finally able to join me after I had been in NY for a few days and that was awesome. We had so much fun wandering around, going to the metropolitan museum of art, working together, seeing and experiencing so much together. New York is a beautiful city to be in love in. you can get lost for hours, and be completely free to do whatever you want because it is so huge and you feel invisible.
My first few weeks there were really chill and a lot of fun. The closer it got to the convention the more serious things began to become. I began to see police a lot more, and a lot more people got into town. I began to get pretty paranoid and overwhelmed again as security tightened. The first main event of the convention was a critical mass. 5000 people showed up on bikes to ride through the streets. Critical masses are done to promote bike riding and to protest our oil dependent car centered culture. They are great fun because for one day a month the bikes have control of the streets and get the right of way. The ride was amazing. Being on the streets with so many friends and not being afraid of being run over was great. There were so many people that we stretched for 4 miles while riding. We completely clogged up traffic for like 4 hours. Eventually everything was so crazy that nobody could move. People got out of their cars and people got off their bikes and everybody walked around the street talking and cheering. A few things went bad on the ride, early on a car decided that they didn’t want to wait for all of the bikes to go by so they just drove into somebody biking. Instead of getting in trouble the car was allowed to drive off and the police arrested the kid who got hit. At the end of the ride the police also came in to dispand everybody. Riot cops marched in with clubs and began pushing people around and arresting them. A few hundred got arrested that night.
The next day was Saturday and not much was going on. A group of people from ohio arrived so I got to hang out with familiar faces and chill. The following day was Sunday and the first official day of the convention. The biggest march of the convention was planned for that day. Somewhere around 400,000 people marched the streets that day to protest the bush regime. It was beautiful, peaceful, and unified. People of all ages, walking, singing, playing drums and raising their voices. A few people got arrested that day for setting fire to a paper mache float and resisting arrest. They all got felony charges which was really ridiculous. After the fire the police became a little more aggressive. Throughout the rest of the week they arrested a ton of people, over 1000 a day. They would pen in and mass arrest everyone in a group if they looked suspicious. Because of this policy they arrested a lot of random and innocent people. I got to stand 2 feet away from andre 3000 because his personal assistant was arrested for no reason. I spent a lot of time at the court house the rest of the week working on legal aid and greeting and feeding people as they got out of jail. 4 people from home got arrested, luckily I wasn’t among them. At this point I was pretty exhausted, I was tired of being scared and worrying about who I knew that went to jail that day. My partner and I spent a little time just relaxing, we took the Stanton Island ferry and saw the statue of liberty. It was beautiful to see such a great symbol of the ideals that our country was founded on. I was thankful that I was free to be able to protest and not fear I would be killed, but sad about all the violence and fascism that I saw. I know that I was free in theory but it’s hard to feel free when your being watched and threatened all of the time. I left NY on Thursday, a few days after the convention ended. I was sad to leave, but happy for the insanity to end. I’m glad to be back now but it’s not the same. I don’t see things the same way, and I don’t have much interest in staying where I’m at. My trip opened my eyes to a lot politically but I also learned a lot about people. Through talking to people, I learned about relationships and how alike people are. I gained a lot of confidence and faith in humanity and myself. I saw so much beauty and joy, so much love and kindness and now I’m hooked. I won’t be here long.

yelling from 3 states away

2004-08-07T06:02:00.000-07:00

it is early morning, but i'm on my second cup of coffee as i sit here and write. i am at a computer owned by some people letting me stay at their house in conneticut while they are away. the nights and mornings are cold here. last night was the first night in 2 weeks that i have got to sleep indoors. i left bowling green 2 weeks ago for boston with the normal intentions of traveling and i wanted to make a movie. i left with the clothes on my back and 2 extra changes, a tent and sleeping bag, and my camera. i had $50 for bail, $45 of which is still left. i left with paper and pens, and the desire to write something great. all of this fits neatly on my bike which i pedal or walk next to everyday.
to fill you in more on this journey i'll give you all a quick overview. Me and the man i have been seeing all summer, some of you saw us together outside of howards the night of the MSE show, packed up his car and brought wonderful panara bread donations which the UCF has been recieving on fridays. thankyou panara because before this trip they were my main food source. anyway, we drove out on july 25th and arrived in boston early the next morning. we promptly went to sleep in the car in our friends driveway upon arrival. waking up we ventured out of the car and into a whole new world. we were at a commune. a bike commune specifically. the members of the house all work together, fixing bikes and selling them, growing a garden to provide food. none of them have "real" jobs. they dumpster dive for food, they use a wood burning stove to heat their house and they let about 30 people stay at their house during the Democratic National Convention.
so after rising i began to meet amazing people. an old blind man who had been completely mutilated by the KKK for protesting for civil rights down south in the 60's. a woman with a shaved head and 2 children with shaved heads, they all drove around in a van going from event to event, supporting cause after cause. people my age everywhere, some with dreads, some punked out, a lot of them shaved. most of them were traveller kids or crusty's. they travel around the country by hitchhiking or train hopping, living on no money, living off their friends. some wander aimlessly just because they need to move, some travel from place to place to work on different things. some of the kids there are more like myself, they live in a place, they work for themselves, squat or live somewhere for free and they come to boston to all protest the DNC. their reasons; capitalism is a system that is repressive of the people, it's making the class systems and heirarchy's in this country worse. we live in a police state in which you are forced to obey laws that you have little to no control over by violence. some say Kerry is the lesser of 2 evils but is he not still evil then. he is still a rich white man who will further other rich white men. these kids have a dream for something different. No masters, no class systems, just people organizing and taking care of each other and the earth. to be among these people and watch this actually work out in real life is amazing. i came on this trip with no money to spend, knowing no one, not knowing how i would sleep or eat and everything has been taken care of by the community.
while in boston spent most of my time just hanging out with people. there was one main day of protests that were pretty crazy. i saw what a police state we really live in and it was scary. i stayed in boston for about 5 days and then said goodbye to my man who had to return home. I left with a group of 80 people walking from boston to new york. 258 miles to the republican national convention. this group was a little different. more diverse in age and political beliefs. we walked 10-18 miles everyday, we camped together, cooked together, did everything as a group. in the beginning it was a little rough to come together. because of the variety of beliefs there was a lot of argueing about how we as a group would do things. we had a few 4 hour rant sessions, i mean meetings, but things really came together after a few days. there was a lot of community response to our group. some people would drive by waving and praising us. some people would even get together and make us food and drink and serve us as we walked by. then there were the other people.... motorcycle gangs that would ride through our camp at night, groups of trucks that would pull up in front of our camp and squeal their tires. people that drove by yelling and cursing at us.
i walked from boston to providence RI, which took about 5 days. i stayed with a friend that i met in boston in the ghetto of providence. while there my camera got stolen so my movie ideas are out the window. i really have the worst luck ever with cameras. anyway, other then that i had a great time in providence. i went to some concerts, i dumpster dove every dunkin donuts i could and gorged my self on pasteries. i stayed there 2 nights and my friend mouse rode his bike in and met me there.
we rode out the next day and just ended up catching up with the march. so we stayed with them a night and intended to leave the next day but a storm that was an act of God fell upon us. it rained for 12 hours straight. buckets fell from the sky, so hard that part of my tent fell down upon me. i woke up around 1am in 2 inches of water but there was no where to go and nothing i could do but stay in my tent and try to sleep completely soaking wet. it was really cold and when i got up in the morning i walked over to the kitchen area where everyone was huddling about under a tent drinking coffee. i was hypothermic and immediately forced to get naked and then wrapped in a blanket. i have never been so cold, it took me most of the day to feel warm again. especially because everything i owned was wet and there was nothing i could do about it but walk it off.
after that night we decided to stay with the march another day and night. mouse and I left the following day, or yesterday rather. we crossed into connecticut by bike. the riding has been difficult because of the crazy hills and how much weight there is on my bike. i can't even lift it off the ground so it's crazy hard to pedal. mouse is not an experienced biker so our milege has been low. today we need to ride at least 50 if we want to make it to new york in 3 days. i don't know whats going to happen next. thats the whole beauty of this trip. i had no plans, no money, no security, i just came because i felt i should. everything has come together tho, i call that God. I am excited about getting to new york, a place i've never been. but for today i'm off to go ride the hills. this blog is long and it's getting late in the day. i want to write some of my reflections at a later date but i never know when i can do that so until that later date, i'm thinking of home, i'm thinking of familiar things, of the town i used to walk and the friends i used to know. i'm wondering how i ever got sick of those sidewalks that i knew so well, how seeing the same things eveyday used to bother me so much. goodbye my friends

2004-07-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

hello all